300 Short Dirty Jokes

Joke 141

Q: Why is masturbation just like procrastination?
A: It’s all good until you realize you’re only screwing yourself.

Joke 142

Q: Why do hunters make the best lovers?

A: They go deep in the bush, they shoot more than once and they always eat what they shoot.

Joke 143

Q: What does it mean if a man remembers the colour of a woman’s eyes after a first date?

A: She’s got small tits.

Joke 144

Q: What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?

A: A tearjerker.

Joke 145

Q: What is the difference between a hooker and a clown?

A: A clown gets paid to come while the hooker gets paid to make people cum.

Joke 146

Q: Why do people hate thongs?

A: Because they’re stuck up assholes!

Joke 147

Q: Which bird is the best at giving head?

A: A swallow.

Joke 148

Q: Why was he sacked from a job?

A: Because he was always hard at his job.

Joke 149

Q: Would you take a bullet for the last person you had sex with?

A: Damn right anything for family…

Joke 150

Q: What is the favourite drink of a prostitute?

A: A Cocktail.

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Joke 151

Q: What do an employee and a porn star get in common?

A: They both get fucked in different ways.

Joke 152

Q: What do genders and the twin towers have in common? 

A: There were 2 at first but now it’s a sensitive topic.

Joke 153

Q: How is Kentucky Fried Chicken a woman the same?

A: Once you take away the legs and the breasts you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone-in.

Joke 154

Q: What’s the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

A: The refrigerator doesn’t fart when you take your meat out.

Joke 155

Q: How did you quit smoking?
A: I decided to smoke only after oral sex.

Joke 156

Q: What do you call a baby born in a whorehouse?

A: A Brothel Sprout.

Joke 157

Q: What’s funnier than being raped?

A: Being raped by a clown.

Joke 158

Q: What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? 

A: Thanks for coming!

Joke 159

Q: Do you know the dirtiest joke I’ve ever heard?

A: The boy jumped in the mud.

Joke 160

Q: What did a girl understand when a guy told: “Now you won’t see me for a while”.

A: Turn the other side.

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