300 Short Dirty Jokes

Joke 121

Q: What gets longer when you pull it and even longer when you put it in the hole? 

A: A seat belt.

Joke 122

Q: Why is being in the military like a Blowjob?

A: The closer you get to the discharge, the better you feel.

Joke 123

Q: What is hairy, brown, and goes up and down?

A: A kiwi in an elevator.

Joke 124

Q: Why did the woman leave her husband after he spent all their money on a penis enlarger?

A: She just couldn’t take it any longer.

Joke 125

Q: When is it okay to beat up a dwarf?

A: When he’s standing next you girlfriend saying that her hair smells nice.

Joke 126

Q: Why did Jesus die a virgin?

A: Every single “wound” he touched closed up.

Joke 127

Q: Wanna hear a joke about my dick?

A: Never mind. It’s too long.

Joke 128

Q: Why do gay people love Scotland?
A: Because the men wear skirts and the country’s full of tight arses.

Joke 129

Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and fucks old ladies?

A: Bingo.

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Joke 130

Q: What do you call two nuns and prostitute playing football?

A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Joke 131

Q: What’re the similarities between a clitoris and a cell phone?

A: Every cunt’s got one.

Joke 132

Q: What’s the best part about fucking 28-year-olds?

A: There’s 20 of them.

Joke 133

Q: What do you get if you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter?

A: A cock that sticks to the roof of a mouth.

Joke 134

Q: Why are men like diapers?

A: They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.

Joke 135

Q: Why is a pair of trousers with the pockets cut is the best present you can give a 14-years-old boy?

A: Because it’s something to wear and something to play with at the same time.

Joke 136

Q: Why was he banned from Match.com?

A: Because when asked “What do you want most in a woman”, he replied “Pussy”.

Joke 137

Q: Why doesn’t Santa have any kids?

A: Because he always wraps his package.

Joke 138

Q: How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach?

A: It’s not hard.

Joke 139

Q: What did the left butt cheek tell the right one?

A: If we stick together, we can stop this shit.

Joke 140

Q: Whats the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?

A: Usain Bolt could successfully finish a race.

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