Q: What gets longer when you pull it and even longer when you put it in the hole?
A: A seat belt.
Q: Why is being in the military like a Blowjob?
A: The closer you get to the discharge, the better you feel.
Q: What is hairy, brown, and goes up and down?
A: A kiwi in an elevator.
Q: Why did the woman leave her husband after he spent all their money on a penis enlarger?
A: She just couldn’t take it any longer.
Q: When is it okay to beat up a dwarf?
A: When he’s standing next you girlfriend saying that her hair smells nice.
Q: Why did Jesus die a virgin?
A: Every single “wound” he touched closed up.
Q: Wanna hear a joke about my dick?
A: Never mind. It’s too long.
Q: Why do gay people love Scotland?
A: Because the men wear skirts and the country’s full of tight arses.
Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and fucks old ladies?
Q: What do you call two nuns and prostitute playing football?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Q: What’re the similarities between a clitoris and a cell phone?
A: Every cunt’s got one.
Q: What’s the best part about fucking 28-year-olds?
A: There’s 20 of them.
Q: What do you get if you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter?
A: A cock that sticks to the roof of a mouth.
Q: Why are men like diapers?
A: They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.
Q: Why is a pair of trousers with the pockets cut is the best present you can give a 14-years-old boy?
A: Because it’s something to wear and something to play with at the same time.
Q: Why was he banned from Match.com?
A: Because when asked “What do you want most in a woman”, he replied “Pussy”.
Q: Why doesn’t Santa have any kids?
A: Because he always wraps his package.
Q: How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach?
A: It’s not hard.
Q: What did the left butt cheek tell the right one?
A: If we stick together, we can stop this shit.
Q: Whats the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?
A: Usain Bolt could successfully finish a race.