300 Short Dirty Jokes

Joke 101

Q: How do you convince a woman to have sex with you when she has a headache?
A: Sprinkle crushed aspirin on your cock.

Joke 102

Q: What do a woman and a bank account have in common?

A: Once you withdraw you lose interest.

Joke 103

Q: Why is it very difficult for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good looking?

A: Because those men already have boyfriends.

Joke 104

Q: What’s the speed limit of sex?

A: 68, at 69 you have to turn around.

Joke 105

Q: Why do they say that eating yoghurt and oysters will improve your sex life?

A: Because if you can eat that stuff, you could eat anything.

Joke 106

Q: How is a woman like a road?

A: They both have manholes.

Joke 107

Q: Why do blondes don’t talk while making love? 

A: Their moms told them not to talk to strangers.

Joke 108

Q: What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?

A: They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.

Joke 109

Q: How is a stuttering child born?

A: When a pregnant woman uses vibrators.

Joke 110

Q: What do you call a useless piece of skin on a penis?
A: A man.

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Joke 111

Q: Why should you never get into your wife’s way?

A: Because she is driving.

Joke 112

Q: What do you call a lesbian with long finger nails?

A: Still Single.

Joke 113

Q: What did one of the prostitute’s knees say to the other?

A: How come we spend so little time together?

Joke 114

Q: How is life like toilet paper? 

A: You’re either constantly on a roll or taking shit from someone.

Joke 115

Q: Why is Santa’s sack so big?

A: Because he only cums once a year. (Comes)

Joke 116

Q: What is six inches and keeps a woman in bed all day?

A: Snow

Joke 117

Q: Why is my penis the perfect gentleman?

A: Because it never fails to stand up to give a woman somewhere to sit.

Joke 118

Q: Why couldn’t the tissue paper cross the road?

A: It got stuck in the crack.

Joke 119

Q: What do an airport and a prostitute have in common?

A: They both ask you to put your liquids into a little plastic bag.

Joke 120

Q: When was the last time you had a mixed feeling? 

A: When I saw my mother-in-law backing off a cliff in my brand new Ferrari car.

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