Q: What is the definition of eternity?
A: The time difference between when you cum and she leaves.
Q: Why was his girlfriend angry at him?
A: Because when his girlfriend asked him “Am I pretty or am I ugly?”, he replied “You’re pretty ugly”.
Q: What is the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
A: Deer balls, they’re under a buck.
Q: Why was he suspended from his mathematics class?
A: Because when asked “What comes after 69?”, he replied “Mouthwash”.
Q: What do you call a boner you get at a funeral?
A: Mourning wood.
Q: What’s the difference between a Jew and Harry Potter.
A: Harry Potter could leave the chamber.
Q: Why do Jewish women love Jewish penises?
A: Because they’re 20% off.
Q: How are a man and a Tuba similar?
A: You blow them both.
Q: Why are work breaks are like penises?
A: You look forward to them, but they’re never long enough.
Q: Why for this man it was impossible to rape himself?
A: Because he was so ugly even his hands won’t fuck him.
Q: Why was my dad arrested yesterday?
A: Because he went to a beauty competition and came in the first place.
Q: What do you call it when an unvaccinated 2 years old throws a temper tantrum?
A: A mid-life crisis.
Q: Why couldn’t the fortune teller get pregnant?
A: Because her husband had crystal balls.
Q: What’s the best thing about having a Vegan girlfriend?
A: She can still suck your dick even if you have a fungus infection.
Q: What do you call an IT teacher who touches their students?
A: A PDF File.
Q: Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware Party?
A: He was looking for a tight seal.
Q: What do you call an anorexic woman with a yeast infection?
A: A Quarter-Pounder with cheese.
Q: What did the postman say to the transgender man?
A: Package delivery.
Q: What does a pirate do when he has sex?
A: He has an arrrrgasm.
Q: What do a chipmunk and a prostitute have in common?
A: Both fill their cheeks with nuts.