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An English guy and his boss go downtown. The boss is betting every person he sees that this English guy can make love to 100 women in a row, without pausing, and satisfy them all.
A lot of bets are made, and they all agree that they’ll meet the next day. The next day, 100 women are lined up in a row. The English guy drops his pants and starts his act.
True to his word, he moves from one to the next, satisfying each one without pausing: l.. 2.. 3.. till 72…. 79…. but he is still moving from and on he goes 82.. 83.. 88.. He slows down somewhat at 92, again goes one to the next, and the women are still satisfied:
…and before he can get to the last woman, he can take no longer and dies of exhaustion.
The boss scratches his head in puzzlement and says, “I just don’t understand it! It went perfectly well at practice this morning!”
An English doctor who had been seeing a 90-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired.
At her next checkup, the new American doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.
As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills. “Mrs Johnson, do you realize these are Birth Control pills?” “Yes, I am aware and they help me sleep well at night.” “Mrs Johnson, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that could possibly help you sleep.
She reached out and patted the young doctor in his shoulder. “Yes, I know that doc. But every morning I grind one up and mix it in the glass of lemon juice that my 19-year-old granddaughter drinks… And believe me, it helps me sleep well at night.”
Three English women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their husbands.
One woman said, “I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill as he does.” The second woman giggled and confessed, “I call my husband the miner because of his incredible expertise in the bed.”
The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, “Say, what do you call your husband?” She frowned and said, “The postman.”
“Why the postman?”, asks the two English Women. “Because he always delivers late, and half the time it’s in the wrong slot.”
An English woman is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her youngest daughter walks in.
“Mom, where do babies come from?” The English Woman didn’t want to lie to her daughter and decided to tell the facts.
“Well, dear, a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One special night, they go into their room and they kiss and hug and have sex. That means the daddy puts his penis in the mummy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby.”
The daughter looks puzzled. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear.”
An English boy comes home after school one day. His mother notices that he’s got a big grin on his face.
His Mom asks, “Did anything special happen at school today?” “Yes, Mom I had sex with my English teacher!” The mother is stunned. “You’re going to talk about this with your father when he gets home.”
Well, when dad comes home and hears the news, he is pleased to hear his son’s accomplishment. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, “Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher.” “That’s right, Dad.”
“Well, you became a real man today”, says the Dad “this is cause for celebration. Let’s head out for some drinks, after all, you are a man now, and then I’ll buy that new bike you’ve been asking for.”
“That sounds great, Dad, but can I have a basketball instead? My ass is hurting me.”