In a place in the United Kingdom there lived one chicken farmer.
One day he goes to a local bar, sits next to a woman, and orders a glass of whiskey. The woman sitting nearby looks to the farmer and says, “How about that? I just ordered a glass of whiskey, too!”
“What a coincidence,” says the farmer. “This is a big day for me. I’m actually celebrating.” “This is a big & important day for me, too, and I’m also celebrating!” says the woman. “What a coincidence,” says the farmer.
As they cheer the glasses he asks, “What are you celebrating for?” “My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist reported to me that I’m pregnant!”
“What a coincidence,” says the farmer. “I’m a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were troubling me because they were infertile, but today they’re finally laying fertilized eggs.”
“That’s great!” says the woman. “How did your chickens become fertile?”
“I switched cocks,” replies the farmer.
She smiles and says, “What a coincidence!”
An elderly English went to the local pharmacy and asked the pharmacist for a Viagra pill.
The pharmacist politely asked, “Sir, Can I ask you how many?” The old Englishman replied, “Give me a dozen of those. I cut each one into four pieces.”
The pharmacist surprisingly said, “That’s too small a dose. That won’t get you through sex.”
The old Englishman said, “Oh, I’m past seventy years old and sex is of no concern to me anymore.” I just want it to stick my prick out far enough so I don’t pee on my new expensive golf shoes.”
In a place in London, Little Jim and his mother were out shopping.
Little Jim, out of curiosity, asked his mother, “Mommy, how old are you?” The mother responded, “Well…Jim actually women don’t talk about their age. You’ll learn this as you get older.”
Little Jim then asked again, “Mommy, how much do you weigh?”His mother responded again, “Oh Jim, why question after question today, that’s another thing women don’t talk about. You’ll learn this too, as you grow up?”
Little Jim, still wanting to know about his mother, then fired off another question, “Mommy, why did you and daddy actually get a divorce?”
The mother, a little mad by Jim’s question after question, responded, “Common Jim stop it, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don’t want to talk about it now.”
Then Little Jim, unsatisfied with his mother’s answers, drops off at a friend’s house to play. He consulted with his friend about his conversation with his mother this afternoon.
His friend suggested, “It’s easy Jim, all you have to do is sneak a look at your mother’s driving license. It’s just like a report card from school. It tells you everything.”
Later next week, Little Jim and his mother were out again. Little Jim began with, “Mommy, mommy, I know how old you are. You’re 39 years old.”
The mother was very surprised. She asked, “My sweet Jim, how do you know that?”
Little Jim hesitantly said, “I sneaked into your driving license. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds.”
“Hmm… I see now where you learned all these” said the mother.
Little Jim said, “And I also found one more thing from your driving license why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an ‘F’ in sex.”
The emergency help from the hospital was called to the home of an elderly English couple for an apparent heart attack the Englishman had.
When the emergency crew got there it was too late and the Englishman had already died.
While consoling the new widow, one of the emergency crew noticed that the bed was a complete mess. He asked the new widow what symptoms the man had suffered and if any events had occurred before the heart attack.
The lady replied, “Well, we were in bed making love and he started moaning, groaning, thrashing about the bed, panting, and sweating. I thought he was coming, but later I found out he was actually going.”
An English businessman boards a flight to New York and is seated next to a gorgeous American blonde.
He notices that she is reading a manual about sexual fun facts.
He asks her about it and she replies, “This is a book with very interesting fun facts about sex! It says that American Indians have the longest penises and Italian men are the best in bed.
By the way, my name is Sandra. What’s yours?” “Tonto Tortolini, nice to meet you.”