An Englishman with a stuttering problem tries everything he can to cure his stuttering, but he can’t.
Finally, he goes to a world-renowned American doctor for help.
The doctor examines him and says, “I’ve found the cause for your problem causing your stuttering. Your penis is 15 inches long. It weighs so much it is pulling on your lungs, causing you to stutter.”
So the Englishman asks, “What’s the cure, Doctor?” To which the American doctor replies, “We have to cut off 10 inches.”
The man thinks for some days about it, and, eager to cure his stuttering, agrees to the operation. The operation is a success and he stops stuttering completely.
Two months later he calls the American doctor and tells him that since he had the 10 inches cut off, all of his girlfriends have stopped seeing him, and his love life, as well as sex life, has gone bad to worse.
He wants the doctor to operate to reattach the 10 inches. Not hearing anything on the line, he repeats himself, “Hey, Doc, didn’t you hear me? I want my 10 inches back!”
Finally, the doctor responds, “I-I-I D-o-n-t K-n-o-w Y-o-u “
An English woman was having an affair while her Italian husband was at work.
One afternoon she was in bed with her boyfriend when she heard her husband’s car pull into the house’s garage.
“Oh, my God, hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband is home early today!” “I can’t jump out of the window. It’s raining out there!” said the boyfriend.
“You already know that my husband is from Italy, he’s got a temper and a gun. If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both, so the rain is the least of your problems!” she replied.
So the boyfriend climbs down off the bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window.
As he ran down the street in the rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 200 of them. Being naked with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in with the crowd as best he could.
After a little while, a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity approached.
“Do you always run in the nude?” one asked.
“Oh yes!” he replied. ”It feels so wonderfully free!”
Another runner moved alongside. “Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arms?”
“Oh, yes,” the boyfriend answered. “That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”
“Nope… only when it’s raining.”
An Englishman was approached by his American coworker at lunch who invited him out for a few drinks after work.
The Englishman said that his wife would never allow him to go drinking with the guys after work. The American co-worker suggested a way to overcome that problem.
“When you get home tonight, sneak into the house, slide down under the sheets, gently pull down your wife’s panties, and just give her oral sex. Women love it and believe me, she’ II never mention that you were out late with the boys.”
So the Englishman agreed to give it a try, and went out and had few drinks.
Late that night, he sneaked into the house, slid down under the sheets, gently slid down his wife’s panties, and gave her oral sex. She moaned and groaned with pleasure, but after a little while, he realized he had to take a pee, so he told her he’d be right back. He got out of bed and walked down the hall to the bathroom.
When he opened the door and went in, he was very shocked to see his wife sitting on the toilet. “How did you get in here?” asked the Englishman.
“Shhhhh!!!” she replied. “You’ll wake my mother, she just came this afternoon!”
Tim and Johanna decided that the only way to have sex on one Sunday afternoon while their seven-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on every neighbourhood activities, with all small and big details.
The boy began his commentary as his parents started undressing.
“There’s a big truck being towed from the parking lot,” he said. “A police car just drove by.”
A few moments passed. “Looks like the Faradays have some company,” he called out. “John’s riding his new car and the Hiltons are having sex.”
Mom and Dad just stopped in the middle of the sex. “How do you know that?” the startled father asked.
“Their kid is standing out on the balcony, too,” his son replied.
An English woman woke in the middle of the night to find her American husband missing from their bed.
In the loneliness of the house, she could hear a crying sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked all around, finally finding her American husband in the basement, crouched in the corner, facing the wall and crying.
“What’s wrong with you honey?” asked the English Woman.
“Remember when your father caught us having sex when you were sixteen?” he replied. “And remember he said I had two choices: I could either marry you or spend the next twenty years in prison for having sex with a minor.”
Baffled, she said, “Yes, I remember honey. So what?”
“I would have been a free man today.”