An Englishman walks into a local bar and sits on a stool to order his drink.
In front of him, he sees a big jar full of change and a little tag that reads: If you would like to take all of this money with you, you have to make the horse at the end of the bar laugh. COST £10.
So he puts in ten pounds and takes the horse into the nearest bathroom. Three minutes later they come out and the horse is laughing hysterically that he rolls on the floor. So the Englishman takes all the money from the jar and leaves.
The next day the same Englishman walks in the bar again and sees the same bartender, same horse and the jar. This time it says: You can win all of this if you make the horse cry. COST £20.
So he puts in twenty pounds and takes the horse into the nearest bathroom. Five minutes later they come out and the horse is crying like a 9-year old girl.
So the Englishman takes the jar but before he could leave the bartender asks, “Nobody had even taken the money twice, how did you just do that?”
The Englishman says, “The first time I told him my dick was bigger than his and the second time I showed him my damn dick!”
An English magician walked up to a farmer and said, “I’ll bet I can make your donkey talk.”
Farmer: “Donkeys don’t talk”
Magician: “Just watch this. Hi, Donkey. How does your master treat you?”
Horse: “Oh, he is very good to me. He gives me plenty of food, water and he manages to keep me out of the sun.”
Magician: “I’ll bet I can make your Buffalo talk.”
Farmer: “Buffaloes can’t talk.”
Magician: “Just watch this. Dear buffalo, how are you? Does your master treat you well?”
Buffalo: “Oh Magician! He treats me very well. He gives me plenty of food, water and he protects me from wild animals.”
Magician: “I’ll bet I can make your sheep talk”
Farmer: “Sheep, lie! Sheep, lie!”
One very attractive English blonde arrives at a London casino and bets £50,000 on a single roll of the dice.
“I hope you don’t mind,” says the English blonde, “I feel much luckier when I am completely naked.” One dealer says that it’s fine with them if it is what she wants.
With that, she strips down completely, rolls the dice and yells out, “Yes! I’ve won! I’ve won!”
She jumps up and down, hugs each of the dealers, scoops up all the chips on the table and gathers her clothes hurriedly and then quickly departs.
The dealers stared at each other utterly dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, “So, what did she roll?”
“No idea,” replies the other. “I thought you were the one who is supposed to be watching the dice.”
An Englishman and his wife in the middle of the night are sound asleep in bed when the phone rings.
The Englishman picks up, listens for a second and before slamming down the receiver. he says, “How the hell would I know, you idiot? I’m not a damn weatherman,”. “Who was that?” asks his wife.
“Of course, Wrong number. It was some idiot asking if the coast was clear.”
Three blondes, one English, one American and one Indian, all work at the same office for a female Egyptian boss who always goes home early.
“Hey, girls,” says the American blonde one day, “let’s go home early tomorrow. Our boss will never find out.”
So the next day they all leave right after the Egyptian boss does.
The American blonde gets some extra gardening done, the Indian goes to her relative’s place, and the English blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female Egyptian boss.
She quietly sneaks out of the house and vows to return home at her normal time the next day.
In the morning, the American blonde says, “That was fun, we should do it again sometime.” “No way,” says the English blonde. “I almost got caught yesterday.”