Q: Did you hear about the man with a broken left arm and broken left leg?
A: Don’t worry he’s “ALRIGHT” now!
Q: Why did the old woman put roller skates on her rocking chair?
A: Because she wanted to rock and roll.
Q: Why was six scared of seven?
A: Because seven “ate” nine.
Q: Why couldn’t the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator?
A: She couldn’t find the “10” button.
Q: Why is your computer freezing?
A: Because you left your windows open.
Q: Where do typists go to get a drink?
A: The Space Bar.
Q: Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher?
A: Because there was no chemistry.
Q: Why didn’t the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because the roads weren’t invented yet.
Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: “Put it on my bill.”
Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!
Q: Why are frogs afraid to be in cars?
A: Because they are afraid of snakes. (Windshield vipers)
Q: Why did the fish blush?
A: Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.
Q: What happens once in a minute and twice in a moment but never in a decade?
A: The letter “m.”
Q: What is the tallest building in the entire world?
A: The library, because it has so many stories.
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.
Q: What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
Q: Why are hairdressers never late for work?
A: Because they know all the short cuts!
Q: Why did the painting go to jail?
A: It was framed.
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
Q: What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
A: You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish.
Q: Why are ghosts, such good cheerleaders?
A: Because they have a lot of spirits!
Q: Why did one great engineer of train company quit?
A: Because he has to keep track of everything.
Q: Why was the energizer bunny arrested?
A: On a charge of a battery.
Q Why does a man opens the car door for his wife?
A: Reason #1 – The Car is new. Reason #2 – His Wife is new.
Q: Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
A: Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.