Q: What are a married man’s two greatest assets?
A: Closed mouth and an open wallet.
Q: How do you make sure your message is delivered fast to many people?
A: Tell a woman “It’s secret, don’t tell anyone”.
Q: What’s the difference between men and government bonds?
A: Bonds mature.
Q: What worse than finding out your wife’s got cancer?
A: Finding out it is curable.
Q: What did one invisible man say to the other?
A: “Long time no see.”
Q: “Who stole my Microsoft Copy?”
A: “I didn’t, you have my word.”
Q: What’s the difference between ignorance and indifference?
A: I don’t know and I don’t care!
Q: Why do people don’t like Pizza Jokes?
A: Because it’s way too cheesy.
Q: How do you know your girlfriend Is getting fat?
A: She fits into your wife’s clothes.
Q: Where do birds meet for coffee?
A: In a nest-café!
Q: What makes a man think about a dinner by candlelight?
A: A power failure.
Q: Why Ireland’s capital is the fastest growing city.
A: Every year it’s Dublin.
Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Q: Why you never see penguins in Great Britain
A: Because they’re afraid of Wales!
Q: Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?
A: Because he hated capitalism.
Q: What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
A: “Do not consume if seal is broken.”
Q: Why was a guy fired from the keyboard factory?
A: He wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
Q: Why do successful boxers date a pretty girl?
A: Because she is a knockout.
Q: How does a man show he’s planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Q: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
A: “Where’s popcorn?”
Q: What does a cloud do when it gets an itch?
A: It finds the nearest skyscraper.
Q: Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher?
A: I heard he couldn’t control his pupils!
Q: What do you call a cow that fell in a hole?
A: A holey cow!
Q: What’s the first thing the taxi driver said to the wolf?
A: Where, wolf?
Q: Why can’t the bank manager ride a bike anymore?
A: He lost his balance.